literature

They don't teach you this...3

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Literature Text

Sakura needs a healer

Kakashi, being an avid reader of Itcha Itcha and one of the most eligible shinobi bachelors of Konoha village, knew a lot about the female body and how to please a woman. It was easy and he was good at it. He could chat up the coldest and most frigid woman out there and have her wrapped around his finger if he wanted to. But more often than not he didn't even have to do anything and the ladies would just swoon at his feet in waves.

Kakashi, however, did not know anything about the body or needs of the adolescence girl. He'd never been with an adolescence girl when he was younger, too busy being a Jounin and an Anbu member for that, and he certainly hadn't been with an adolescence girl when he got older. Quite frankly he hadn't really been around adolescence girls at all and hadn't had a clue what he was in for when he inevitably got one on his team when he took on team 7.

But that all changed with the incident.

Later on, when he looked back, he'd think that he really should have seen the signs. A girl didn't just grow breasts and turn into a woman over night… -although Kakashi thought that would have been a whole lot easier for everyone involved and the legendary Tsunade really should think about coming up with a jutsu for that… or Orochimaru, which ever got to it first he didn´t care-… Surely it took some time for girls to mature and change before they eventually turned into the ladies Kakashi knew and loved.

But, even with his Sharingan and all, he failed yet again to see the warning signs before it was too late.

He didn't pay much attention to it when Sakura started clutching her chest and re-arranging her clothes during practice. She was probably just short of breath because the training was getting harder… and how comfortable could it be to train in that dress for Kami's sake.

He did not pay much attention to her mood swings… because quite frankly the girl was nothing but mood swings… So what if she started crying if Sasuke looked at her in the wrong way, Sasuke could make a grown man feel uncomfortable with his Uchiha glare… not that it had ever bothered Kakashi at all… Ever… ok maybe just once or twice, but that kid could seriously give the devil himself a run for his money on the scary factor… and so what if she hit Naruto a bit harder when he was being obnoxious, she was getting stronger and he probably deserved it.

Although, in Kakashi's defense, he probably would have noticed when Sakura started hitting Sasuke and crying over Naruto if he hadn´t been too busy dealing with Naruto's strange behavior and then spending a month cooped up in snow country on some bogus mission that should have been performed by genins and then spending 2 weeks after that stuck in bed with the horrible cold he'd gotten while there.

But then again how was he supposed to know that such behavior was anything out of the ordinary, like it was previously mentioned the girl was nothing but mood swings!

The incident, as Kakashi liked to refer to it whenever he was forced to think about subjects that were even remotely related to it… which wasn´t often considering Kakashi avoided that thought like the plague, happened not so long before the Chuunin exams.

Team 7, like most new genin teams that year, were trying hard to reach the quota needed to participate in the exams and were this time on a relatively easy, albeit long, D rank mission. All they had to do was deliver a letter to the Mizukage in water country, something a messenger bird could have easily done but Kakashi suspected they would be required to give a statement on their fight with Zabuza there as well. It wasn´t every day that one of your deadlier missing Nins was killed by a genin squad. All in all the trip should only take about 8 to 9 days, 4 days for each trip and perhaps 1 extra day depending on how long the whole process would take.

The mission had been an uneventful success and the team had been in good spirits. Naruto bugged everyone while he tried to impress Sakura and outshine Sasuke, Sakura annoyed everyone but Naruto with her constant outbursts and Sasuke worshipping and Sasuke glared at everything from Naruto to the unfortunate mosquito that dared to land on his forehead protector… which had been quite comical to see since the position required the stoic boy to glare at it cross-eyed, Kakashi would have laughed but he knew better than to mess with the Uchiha's pride. And as usual the silver haired leader of team 7 pretended to ignore his team while he read his book.

All perfectly normal.

Until Sakura started to look a little green and complain about a stomach ache on their second day of travel. At first Kakashi had written it off as sea sickness, they were traveling over the ocean between Water country and Fire country at the time, but it soon became apparent that that wasn´t the problem. His pink haired student didn´t throw up once and judging by the painful look on her face and the way she clutched her stomach almost constantly Kakashi would have to say that she was… well... in pain.

After using all the medical scans Kakashi knew on his student, and he knew a lot being an ex Anbu member and having picked some up with his Sharingan, with no results Kakashi started to suspect that this must have something to do with the fact that she was the only female of the team.

Surely someone had either used a Jutsu on them or poisoned their food. But since none of the other team members were complaining of stomach problems it must mean that Sakura, being the only girl there, had been more susceptible to it. Or maybe she had just been singled out because she was a girl.

Not wanting to distress his student too much… because the girl was emotional enough as it was already… he decided not to mention any of that and just told the girl she probably ate something bad and would almost certainly feel better very soon.

But boy was he wrong.

On the morning of their third day of travel Kakashi had had to carry his emotionally drained and slightly feverish student. The girl had been up all night alternating between crying from pain or threatening to bring about the apocalypse with her angry outbursts. Kakashi had been forced to keep a steady flow of a warming Jutsu in one hand and a cooling Jutsu in the other to ease the girl's stomach pain. He learned very early on when it was time to switch from hot to cold… he´d rather go into a staring contest with Sasuke's glare than have Sakura growl at him like that again. Thankfully by morning the pain seemed to be passing and his student had calmed down considerably.

That is, until the Incident really started.

They had been taking a small break in the afternoon to get something to eat and relax for a while. Naruto and Sasuke had both been trying to be in the lead which had inevitably resulted in them starting a race with both of them going faster and faster until Naruto practically keeled over with exhaustion. Sasuke having fallen down exactly 4 second later than Naruto got the right to antagonize him with his weak stamina.

Kakashi was using the time they had for their break to catch up on some reading. He had no problem reading his books in any situation really but having a teenage girl looking over your shoulder while you did it was pretty much where he drew the line. Plus that crazy chuunin from the mission office would probably have a fit if he found out and Kakashi had been dealing with more than enough emotional outbursts on this trip.

Kakashi's reading however was cut short by a desperate wail a few feet away. He would forever curse his instinct to uncover the Sharingan in a crisis because the image of his adolescence female student with her knickers down was not something he wanted burned into his memory. At least now he was thankful that the girl chose to wear dresses.

After thrusting his two other students away from the scene and then spending what felt like forever trying to calm the young girl down while staying a safe distance away and looking at everything but her he finally managed to understand her panicked blabbering.

Sakura was bleeding… down there.

At this point Kakashi did what any other male Jounin sensei did in this situation... He panicked.

After using every Jutsu he could possibly think of to stop the bleeding without actually having to touch the girl… because there was just no way in all the seven hells that he was going anywhere near his female student there… the silver haired genius finally cracked. He picked up his student, who had thankfully at some point pulled up her pants again, and then ran like he had the Kyuubi himself on his tail… which incidentally he didn´t because he left both Naruto and Sasuke behind completely oblivious to the fact that their sensei had run off.

And so it was in the middle of the night that a panic stricken Kakashi came bolting into the infirmary of Konoha hospital practically screaming at the nearest nurse that his pupil needed a healer before she would bleed to death.

Kakashi´s mistake number two during that whole fiasco, his first having been revealing his Sharingan, was refusing to leave his student while she was being tended, because the girl was quite frightened and crying at that point. Not that Kakashi thought he could be much help… he certainly wasn´t going to hold her hand and tell her it was going to be all right while the nurses checked her… bleeding.

Later on Kakashi didn´t quite know which one of them had been more uncomfortable during the whole "girl becoming a woman" lecture… but if he´d really have to hazard a guess he'd probably go with himself.

That morning Kakashi managed to startle not only Iruka but all of team 8 too when he teleported into the mission office and practically grabbed the mission scroll that was seconds away from reaching Kurenai's hands.

After making a swift retreat in the same way he came in and then looking at the mission scrolls details Kakashi couldn´t help but feel a little disappointed in what he managed to snatch this time… Probably not as disappointed as Shino though. Because although Kakashi came back knowing every single detail about the new kind of rock beetle that had been found recently in Earth country, thanks to his Sharingan, Shino probably would have enjoyed the 2 week mission a lot more.

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Those of you who think Sakura is a wuss in this story and that period cramps are not that bad have clearly not had bad period cramps... believe me, they're baaaad
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